Impermanence of Meanings:
A Story of How the Lotus Sutra Works in Real Life
I have a confession to make. I am a life long people pleaser. While some might think that that is a wonderful trait to have, in fact it has caused me much suffering. Of course, acting to bring others happiness is a wonderful quality. It’s the bodhisattva way. But Buddhism values the end of suffering of all living beings and hence does not only promote being kind and helpful to others but also reminds us the value of being kind to one’s self. The tradition teaches that we ourselves deserve our own happiness as much as anyone else. So I was often people pleasing at the expense of my own happiness and this lack of self-compassion caused me to suffer.
In 2022, I decided to change this habit and stopped suppressing my feelings. I started to pay attention to my mind more and catch the moment when I am about to be directed towards the people-pleasing habits. I first found that catching those moments was so elusive that it felt like a futile effort. But after failing over and over again, I gradually started to notice these moments and with that awareness, started to change some of my typical habits of pleasing that suppress my feelings.
What, you might ask, does this have to do with Buddhism besides the fact that the First Noble Truth is to clearly recognize that life is suffering? The Threefold Lotus Sutra, the sacred text for our Buddhist community of Rissho Kosei-kai, teaches that the meaning of any event continues to evolve over time. Each moment of experience holds infinite meanings, even moments of misunderstanding, fear, or anger. As Brook Ziporyn wrotein Emptiness and Omnipresence, there is always “more-to-it” in any encounter.
Buddha’s wisdom reveals that all things are empty in nature—meaning they arise through interdependent conditions and are ever-changing. Nothing can arise on its own apart from the changing and interdependent causal web of all things. When we fail to recognize this, we suffer, hindering the unfolding process of the infinity of meanings. However, when we embrace life’s unfolding nature, suffering transforms into liberation, and pain into joy. Even difficult experiences can become opportunities to awaken to deeper truths.
So in fact, I was causing my own suffering and interpreting my people-pleasing behavior of pleasing others by suppressing my feelings only negatively, which trapped me in suffering. At one point I staretd to ask: It’s so hard to shake off my pleaser habit. But is it really a bad thing? This question opened up some new meanings of what I considered to be a bad behavior. Although people pleasing was perhaps not an ideal behavior because it meant suppressing my feelings, I discovered positive meaning from what I originally thought of only as a negative trait:
I developed skills that uplift others and bring happiness.
I learned the importance of giving myself permission to feel self-
compassion.
I gained empathy for others.
With this understanding, I felt warmth in my heart, finally accepting my past struggles. Though the habit is not completely gone, I am now at peace with myself, knowing that its meaning continues to evolve.
Everyday, we might feel anger or frustration with ourselves or with others. If we can expand our understanding of the interdependent nature of things, it can help loosen an idea or thought or behavior we've held onto and transform it so that we can use it to benefit both ourselves and others.
Let us embrace the unfolding nature of all experiences, finding wisdom and liberation in every encounter. Everything is moretoitive. The infinite meanings and possibilities are inherent to each and every one of our lives.
Rev. Dr. Kyohei Mikawa
Minister, Rissho Kosei-kai of Los Angeles
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